Absentee Grandma

One of the situations our family has to work with is that we all live 900+ miles apart. As recently as 2 years before I became a grandma, it looked as though our family would all be in Florida. I was feeling very lucky. How quickly it all changed! Within a 10 month period, our youngest daughter got married and moved to Iowa, both daughters became pregnant and had gave birth to our grandsons, and we moved to Pennsylvania. Suddenly I was a long-distance grandma. When my grandsons were first born I loved being there and helping the family as they tried to adjust to a new little one in the house. My daughters graciously wanted me to spend time with them and I never took that for granted. I'm all too aware how easily that extra presence can become oppressive and intrusive when a family is already strained from sleep deprivation and the pressures of taking care of a new baby.

Both of my daughters live near their in-laws and they have good relationships with them, so the boys do get to see grandparents frequently. If I let myself, I could get envious of that and there were moments when I watched other mothers, daughters and grandchildren shopping or eating out together and wished that was me. However, I've realized that when I get to visit, I DO get to do those things. Envy is a wasted emotion. It reminds you of what you don't have and prevents you from seeing what you do have.

As it is, I try to visit each family a couple of times each year, usually in the spring and fall, and we have been fortunate enough to get together at Christmas. When the kids get older the Christmas visits will end as they will want to spend the holidays at home. I can't be there for every special event, so my goal is to be there at their 1st and 5th birthdays and for certain special events if possible.

What does an absentee grandma do? Well, although I like to buy a special toy or game when I am with them, this one is not into sending lots of gifts. Spending time on the Webcam when possible is always fun. When I am there pictures are taken by the dozens and are scattered around the house; in frames, under clear desk mats, tucked into mirrors, in a purse sized photo album. It goes without saying that spending time with the kids is the best part; taking them for walks, reading stories, playing with them are what those visits are all about.

One of the advantages of being a 'visiting' grandma is that I get to see them in every stage of the day from breakfast to bedtime. Watching a child in their good moods, bad moods, independent streaks, and quiet times is the way to really know who they are. At Jan's last weekend I got to see Samantha as she tried to figure out how to crawl. Leg stuck out to the side, butt in the air, leaning on her elbows. It was still a new enough experience for her that she didn't get frustrated, just kept working it. When I go back the camcorder will get her scooting around. 

Talking to them on the phone is one of my favorite new things. I frequently need a translator but the other day one phone conversation reminded me that I may be absent, but I'm not forgotten. Nicholas got on the phone to say "Your bed is ready!" Those 4 words told me 2 things. He had finally given up his crib and moved into his big boy bed which has been waiting for him for months, and he's waiting for me to come back. Jen told me that as soon as they had taken down the crib and put up the guest bed where Granberry would sleep he said he wanted to call me and tell me.

What better invitation could an absentee grandma get?