Annual medical tests. We all get them. We can dread them, or take them in stride, but either way, we rarely look forward to them. For me, the occasion meant a day of no food except lemonade, lemon jello, tea, or clear chicken broth in preparation for that always-looked-forward-to exam, the colonoscopy. For the most part, I don't get too carried away dreading things like this. I don't look forward to it, but in the grand scheme of things, there are far worse events. Talk to a person going in for chemo.
Although I try not to focus on the negative, there are times when my subconscious takes on the task for me. In those times, I only discover I am worried because something else in my body is going wrong. I can't sleep. Or I develop a nervous stomach. Or Vertigo sets in. At those times I have to consciously stop and try to identify what has me upset, because I really don't feel it at all. I remember the night before my very first colonoscopy. I felt fine, but I absolutely couldn't fall asleep. I finally got up and worked on a puzzle until it was time to go.
This time, I wasn't really worried, but there was a scratch on the thought pattern in my brain that from time to time let phrases run from the fog of my subconscious, across my awareness. Phrases like... country hospital...perforated bowel...new doctor. Phrases that told me, this time I wasn't as at ease as I wanted to be.
On Sunday I found the hymns we sang in church to hold special meaning for me. Our prayer hymn was "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior". It was a gentle hymn and I loved the last line that said, "Savior, while on others thou art calling, Please don't pass me by". I found that line particularly poignant because while we were preparing to pray for others on the prayer list, it reminded me that any troubles I had were important too. Our praise hymn was "I Stand Amazed in the Presence". It was a joyful hymn celebrating God's love for us. The refrain said it all. "How marvelous! How wonderful! And my song shall ever be, How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me!"
Music has always been a big part of my life, and whether it is Christian or Secular, it often has great meaning for me. It isn't unusual to have a song rolling around in my head. At times the record gets stuck and I can't get it out of my head for days, but usually the song is one I've heard a lot recently on the radio.This week the song in my head was a surprise.
On the day of my colonoscopy, the alarm woke me at 5 AM. In my world there is no good reason to wake up at 5AM! As I lay in bed trying to come to, I recognized the tune rolling through my mind. I'd only sung it once before, but the words were right there. "Savior, while on others thou art calling, please don't pass me by." I smiled to myself. What a way to wake up! God was already assuring me He was there. Those comforting words that I had only sung once two days before, were playing on the radio in my head.
The procedure went off without a hitch and I awoke from the anesthesia and looked around the room. I was unusually alert. I generally take a long time to wake up. The nurse told me all was well and we chatted. As I got dressed I realized the record had changed. Now the song in my head was "How wonderful! How marvelous! And my song shall ever be, How wonderful, how marvelous is my Savior's love for me." I smiled inwardly and wondered for the millionth time, who am I that He should care so much? But this isn't the first time God has given me the words I needed to hear.
There was no doubt who my DJ was that day. He'd made the playlist in advance and made sure it was playing on a loop, just to let me know He cared. He's welcome to be my DJ anytime He chooses.
"I stand alone in the presence
of Jesus the Nazarene,
and wonder how he could love me,
a sinner, condemned, unclean.
How marvelous!How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
How marveleous, how wonderful
Is my Savior's love for me!"
(Words; Charles Gabriel, music; Charles H. Gabriel From the United Methodist Hymnal, no. 371)
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Hush Now. I've Got Your Back
When I was just a young, married, working wife we lived in a little house with an adequate backyard in a neighborhood where everyone had their own vegetable garden. I had never had one before, but I started with a pretty good-sized one and we grew most of the vegetables we ate all winter.
One summer the rain was pretty frequent and the weeds were growing as fast as the corn. One thing I had learned was that if you didn't want to turn the soil into rock, you didn't work in the garden after a rain, when the ground was wet. That year the rain seemed to come whenever I had time to weed. The ground was always ready when I was at work. One afternoon, I came home from work determined to get the weeds out of the corn. The skies were getting dark and I could feel the pressure building up as thunder sounded in the distance. So God and I had a come to meetin' moment.
"God," I said. " Give me twenty minutes! Just twenty minutes! I can clear the corn patch at least, if you'll just hold off the rain for twenty minutes."
I went to work, pulling weeds as fast as I could. The thunder would rumble in the distance and now and then, a drop would hit me on the head, but it didn't rain. Finally, I gathered the pile of weeds and put them on the compost heap, brushed myself off and headed indoors, just as the rain started coming down in earnest. I checked my watch...I'd been out there twenty minutes.
In those days, God and I had several conversations like that...me demanding....Him coming through. And through it all, I learned God had my back, on the big things, and on the small ones. It was one way God helped me develop my faith.
Fast Forward 40 years....
Recently I went to the local dermatologist. Since I'm new in town, he was new to me. When I left I knew I wasn't going back. I had never had an exam quite like it. He examined my face. Just my face. Not my ears, neck, scalp.... in fact, I had never even taken off my coat! And in that brief visit I was told I needed a chemical peel with Efudex to remove pre-cancers. There were too many to be frozen off.
After talking to friends I got the name of another dermatologist and made an appointment. And I did some research on Efudex. I actually didn't doubt what the first doctor had said. I had noticed several new red blotches on my face so I was concerned, too. But I had lots of questions. And I needed a real exam.
The past two weeks here have been crazy with the weather. Everything on my calendar has been cancelled for two weeks. Every time I think I'm going out, it snows and the phone rings with the next round of cancellations. The day of my doctor's appointment arrived and school was closed again in the expectation of a bad winter storm coming through mid-day. I was beginning to get nervous. I prayed that the snow would hold off since I had a twenty-mile mountain drive which also had me nervous.
I'm not the worrying type, but this was starting to nag at me. Larry's travel season is over (work-related travel, that is) and we have trips planned. If I needed this treatment I needed to be able to schedule it in between trips and I was running out of time. Besides that, it didn't sound like fun. And besides that, when someone uses the word cancer in any kind of sentence it never sits well. The day of the appointment came and I kept waiting to hear the phone ring telling me the office had to close.
The call never came. I made the drive on clear, dry roads. I met the doctor, who gave me a thorough exam and froze a bunch of spots on my face. And when she was through we talked. She answered all of my questions, and explained different treatments. As I left I felt more empowered than I had in quite a while. I remembered the scripture verse I had flipped to in my devotional guide that morning. It wasn't the one for the day, but it was the one for my day. It said "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.
As I drove the clear, dry road home I could see the clouds rolling over the mountains behind me as the storm prepared to roll in. I pulled in the drive as a few snowflakes drifted down. In minutes it was snowing in earnest.
I looked up at the laden sky and smiled. I could almost hear Him once again saying, "Hush now. Quit your worrying. I've got your back."
One summer the rain was pretty frequent and the weeds were growing as fast as the corn. One thing I had learned was that if you didn't want to turn the soil into rock, you didn't work in the garden after a rain, when the ground was wet. That year the rain seemed to come whenever I had time to weed. The ground was always ready when I was at work. One afternoon, I came home from work determined to get the weeds out of the corn. The skies were getting dark and I could feel the pressure building up as thunder sounded in the distance. So God and I had a come to meetin' moment.
"God," I said. " Give me twenty minutes! Just twenty minutes! I can clear the corn patch at least, if you'll just hold off the rain for twenty minutes."
I went to work, pulling weeds as fast as I could. The thunder would rumble in the distance and now and then, a drop would hit me on the head, but it didn't rain. Finally, I gathered the pile of weeds and put them on the compost heap, brushed myself off and headed indoors, just as the rain started coming down in earnest. I checked my watch...I'd been out there twenty minutes.
In those days, God and I had several conversations like that...me demanding....Him coming through. And through it all, I learned God had my back, on the big things, and on the small ones. It was one way God helped me develop my faith.
Fast Forward 40 years....
Recently I went to the local dermatologist. Since I'm new in town, he was new to me. When I left I knew I wasn't going back. I had never had an exam quite like it. He examined my face. Just my face. Not my ears, neck, scalp.... in fact, I had never even taken off my coat! And in that brief visit I was told I needed a chemical peel with Efudex to remove pre-cancers. There were too many to be frozen off.
After talking to friends I got the name of another dermatologist and made an appointment. And I did some research on Efudex. I actually didn't doubt what the first doctor had said. I had noticed several new red blotches on my face so I was concerned, too. But I had lots of questions. And I needed a real exam.
The past two weeks here have been crazy with the weather. Everything on my calendar has been cancelled for two weeks. Every time I think I'm going out, it snows and the phone rings with the next round of cancellations. The day of my doctor's appointment arrived and school was closed again in the expectation of a bad winter storm coming through mid-day. I was beginning to get nervous. I prayed that the snow would hold off since I had a twenty-mile mountain drive which also had me nervous.
I'm not the worrying type, but this was starting to nag at me. Larry's travel season is over (work-related travel, that is) and we have trips planned. If I needed this treatment I needed to be able to schedule it in between trips and I was running out of time. Besides that, it didn't sound like fun. And besides that, when someone uses the word cancer in any kind of sentence it never sits well. The day of the appointment came and I kept waiting to hear the phone ring telling me the office had to close.
The call never came. I made the drive on clear, dry roads. I met the doctor, who gave me a thorough exam and froze a bunch of spots on my face. And when she was through we talked. She answered all of my questions, and explained different treatments. As I left I felt more empowered than I had in quite a while. I remembered the scripture verse I had flipped to in my devotional guide that morning. It wasn't the one for the day, but it was the one for my day. It said "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.
As I drove the clear, dry road home I could see the clouds rolling over the mountains behind me as the storm prepared to roll in. I pulled in the drive as a few snowflakes drifted down. In minutes it was snowing in earnest.
I looked up at the laden sky and smiled. I could almost hear Him once again saying, "Hush now. Quit your worrying. I've got your back."
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