2013 was marked by a series of reunions. Not the big family kind, just simple get-togethers between old friends and family. There was our annual Sisters' Reunion that took place in Pittsburgh this year. It was especially meaningful as both of my sisters had lost husbands during the year. We also caught up with cousins we only see at funerals, and I reconnected with several childhood friends.
In college I had a roommate who meant a lot to me. She told me one day that some of her high school friends kept trying to keep in contact with her. Then she told me she wasn't the kind of person who held onto old friendships. She moved on.
I was sorry to hear that because we became close friends, but when we lost touch after she moved to Denver I understood it wasn't personal. It's just the way she is. We did keep up a little and in the 80's we met for dinner when my family took a trip out west. I can say today though, that of all the people I have lost touch with I miss her the most.
Getting together with people from the past is so different from hanging out with current friends. There are past memories that pop into conversation creating convulsive laughter, or nostalgic feelings. There is a depth in the connection that can't be matched with current friendships...unless you have been friends for 30 years. History is the yeast in friendships. As the years age and ferment, the relationship transforms into something rich and full of flavor. It's the difference between flatbread and potato rolls (my favorite).
In a way, that was made all the more apparent last October when 4 of us 'old high school friends' got together for a weekend. Meg, Wendy, Janice and I were church friends when we were in high school. Actually, Meg, Wendy and I have known each other since we were babies. And we have the 1 year birthday party pictures to prove it! Over the years we have had sporadic contact and thanks to that proverbial Christmas Card List we have managed to keep somewhat in touch. (I must add, that where the Christmas Card List failed, Facebook succeeded. Perhaps this should be called the Facebook Reunion, since it was through Facebook that we all reconnected.)
Last summer Wendy's mother passed away and I went to the memorial service. Meg also was able to attend the memorial service, which was held at our childhood church. Janice was unable to get there. As we talked, visited, recollected and reminisced, we decided if Jan couldn't come to us, we would go to her. And we did!
3 of us descended on #4 in Cape May, NJ for a 48 hour .... hmm... how to put it? What happens when 4 old friends meet for the first time in 40 years, well supplied with wine, cheesecake, and fudge? Sometimes words fail. Sometimes the adjectives one grasps for fall just short of the experience they are trying to describe. Sometimes moments just 'are'. This was one of those times.
As young adults we all saw the possibilities of our futures, but looking back we could see how limited our visions were. Meg never expected to go into ministry. Wendy never envisioned all the friends she would make through on-line chat rooms. I never anticipated the many places I would live. Janice never saw the many paths her life would take on the road to Cape May. Somewhere I expect we all saw ourselves as college graduates, with jobs, married, and raising a family. The simple dreams of young people in that era. Instead our lives were so much richer than our dreams.
For 48 hours four women reminisced, shared, vented, encouraged, and validated each other. What was most evident was that although we had little true knowledge of where each of us had been for those 40 years, we all knew so much of each other's early history that it was easy to understand where we were all coming from.
When it was over it was hard to process all the emotions and impressions we carried with us. This is why it has taken me so long to blog about it. It was a special time that transcended words. There were vows of not letting another 40 years go by without doing it again. (Good idea! At 100 years old, assuming we are still around, would we remember who we were, let alone each other?) As we moved forward into the coming days we did so in the haze of living in two worlds--the past and the present.
Truly, no one knows you quite the way your childhood friends do. They know the background that shaped you, your family, your personality, your environment, histories you may have forgotten....but they remember. They are a special treasure. For us the overwhelming feeling was of a past regained, old friends re-discovered, and an unstated understanding that if any of us needed something, the others would be there.
Connections seemed to be the theme for 2013. Is there a better way to live our lives? I don't think so. For me 2014 will be a year of new connections, but it is the old ones that will carry me through. I will add more people to my list. When I move, my friends here will become distant. Some will fade away, but some will remain as new connections to my past, encouraging my future. As I remember my long lost college roommate I think of what she missed by letting go of those long-ago friends. Friendships are a special treasure.
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