Old Friends

2013 had a couple of really special moments. I never got around to blogging about them at the time, but looking back at the year, I want to share one in particular.


2013 was marked by a series of reunions. Not the big family kind, just simple get-togethers between old friends and family. There was our annual Sisters' Reunion that took place in Pittsburgh this year. It was especially meaningful as both of my sisters had lost husbands during the year. We also caught up with cousins we only see at funerals, and I reconnected with several childhood friends.
In college I had a roommate who meant a lot to me. She told me one day that some of her high school friends kept trying to keep in contact with her. Then she told me she wasn't the kind of person who held onto old friendships. She moved on.

I was sorry to hear that because we became close friends, but when we lost touch after she moved to Denver I understood it wasn't personal. It's just the way she is. We did keep up a little and in the 80's we met for dinner when my family took a trip out west. I can say today though, that of all the people I have lost touch with I miss her the most.

Getting together with people from the past is so different from hanging out with current friends. There are past memories that pop into conversation creating convulsive laughter, or nostalgic feelings. There is a depth in the connection that can't be matched with current friendships...unless you have been friends for 30 years. History is the yeast in friendships. As the years age and ferment, the relationship transforms into something rich and full of flavor. It's the difference between flatbread and potato rolls (my favorite).

In a way, that was made all the more apparent last October when 4 of us 'old high school friends' got together for a weekend. Meg, Wendy, Janice and I were church friends when we were in high school. Actually, Meg, Wendy and I have known each other since we were babies. And we have the 1 year birthday party pictures to prove it!  Over the years we have had sporadic contact and thanks to that proverbial Christmas Card List we have managed to keep somewhat in touch. (I must add, that where the Christmas Card List failed, Facebook succeeded. Perhaps this should be called the Facebook Reunion, since it was through Facebook that we all reconnected.)


Last summer Wendy's mother passed away and I went to the memorial service. Meg also was able to attend the memorial service, which was held at our childhood church. Janice was unable to get there. As we talked, visited, recollected and reminisced, we decided if Jan couldn't come to us, we would go to her. And we did!

3 of us descended on #4 in Cape May, NJ for a 48 hour .... hmm... how to put it? What happens when 4 old friends meet for the first time in 40 years, well supplied with wine, cheesecake, and fudge? Sometimes words fail. Sometimes the adjectives one grasps for fall just short of the experience they are trying to describe. Sometimes moments just 'are'. This was one of those times.

As young adults we all saw the possibilities of our futures, but looking back we could see how limited our visions were. Meg never expected to go into ministry. Wendy never envisioned all the friends she would make through on-line chat rooms. I never anticipated the many places I would live. Janice never saw the many paths her life would take on the road to Cape May. Somewhere I expect we all saw ourselves as college graduates, with jobs, married, and raising a family. The simple dreams of young people in that era. Instead our lives were so much richer than our dreams.

For 48 hours four women reminisced, shared, vented, encouraged, and validated each other. What was most evident was that although we had little true knowledge of where each of us had been for those 40 years, we all knew so much of each other's early history that it was easy to understand where we were all coming from.

When it was over it was hard to process all the emotions and impressions we carried with us. This is why it has taken me so long to blog about it. It was a special time that transcended words. There were vows of not letting another 40 years go by without doing it again. (Good idea! At 100 years old, assuming we are still around, would we remember who we were, let alone each other?) As we moved forward into the coming days we did so in the haze of living in two worlds--the past and the present.

Truly, no one knows you quite the way your childhood friends do. They know the background that shaped you, your family, your personality, your environment, histories you may have forgotten....but they remember. They are a special treasure. For us the overwhelming feeling was of a past regained, old friends re-discovered, and an unstated understanding that if any of us needed something, the others would be there.


Connections seemed to be the theme for 2013. Is there a better way to live our lives? I don't think so. For me 2014 will be a year of new connections, but it is the old ones that will carry me through. I will add more people to my list. When I move, my friends here will become distant. Some will fade away, but some will remain as new connections to my past, encouraging my future. As I remember my long lost college roommate I think of what she missed by letting go of those long-ago friends.  Friendships are a special treasure.

January Doldrums

It's that time of year. January. Snow. Gray Sky. And then came the freeze! What a freeze. For 2 days while the thermometer stayed below zero, Maggie and I holed up inside.


Then the snow melted. The weather warmed up. And it RAINED. I think the sun has gone south for the winter. It came out one day for about 10 minutes, but I missed it. I was in the basement packing up the Christmas decorations.


I'm supposed to be grateful for all things. Well...... let's see.... hmmm....how can I say this?
I'm not grateful for the below 0 temps, the -35 windchill, and the constant gray sky! Maggie has been asleep for a week. I keep checking her to make sure she is breathing. She gets up, walks in a circle around the kitchen island for 3 hours at night, since she can't get out for her walk.


The icy snow has been a challenge for her, too. Twice I've had to go out and pull her up the hill to the front door. The first time was during the height of the freeze when the wind and the cold were just too much for her. And the second time came when she squatted to pee. She slipped on the snow and sat down and couldn't get any footing to get up. She just sat and waited for me to walk down and help her up. She is a constant reminder that getting old isn't fun.


So how am I handling all this great weather? Well, yesterday, I finally gave in. I woke up in a bad mood, and as the day progressed I didn't get much better. Finally around mid-afternoon I grabbed my coat, and a leash. It was gray. It was wet. It was above 32! One out of 3 was an improvement. Best of all, the sidewalks were clear of snow and salt so Maggie and I went for a walk. We both felt better when we got home. She went back to sleep. I added a Vitamin D infusion.....a nice blend of Florida Sunshine and Russian grains and potatoes. When we lived in the south a Screwdriver was a nice end to the day. Here in the north it becomes a must-have when January and February set in.


Let me end this mid-winter rant on a more serious note.


We survived the Polar Vortex very well. Pipes didn't freeze. Power stayed on. Not everyone was so lucky. I had a fire in the fireplace, and an electric blanket on the bed. I holed up on the really cold days with hot chocolate and a jigsaw puzzle. How VERY blessed I am!


In Florida cold spells could mean nights in the 20's. That's bitter cold when you're used to the 50's or 60's. When I lived in Tampa and we went through cold spells I worried and prayed about the homeless that were living under bridges and huddled around fires in a barrel trying to stay warm. I snuggled into my warm waterbed. (OH, they are so much better than electric blankets. The mattress is warm when you crawl in! Wow!) And I gave thanks, and prayed for those without heat. Since then I've never taken for granted the blessing of a warm bed.




In Pennsylvania, I still think of the homeless but I know there are many "Warming Shelters" for those who are without heat. I am thankful that there are people who are looking out for those in need.


And when the winter doldrums set in, I'm grateful for a warm coat to wear on a brisk day. I felt so much better once I inhaled fresh air. And then I warmed up with that great OJ infusion. And for that I am also Very thankful!

Resolution 2014--In All Things Give Thanks

Resolutions! To make or not to make; THAT is the question. Recently I've heard a few sides to this issue that make sense. Some people prefer not to make them because they feel anytime is the right time to make a resolution, to affect personal change, to set goals. I agree.

There is the other camp that likes the idea of taking one day to really contemplate the past year, and the coming one and try to identify how 'the man in the mirror' (headnod to Michael Jackson) might make a difference. I agree with that idea, too.

And I tend to follow that model in my own life.

Last year, I apparently was dissatisfied with the way I made use of my time and approached each day because as 2013 began my resolution was to change that. My overall goal was to live each day purposefully. I always have a to-do list, but sometimes I still felt as if I was spinning my wheels. It was time to take control of mindless time on the computer, unmotivated days when nothing seemed to get accomplished, planning that didn't come to fruition. How did I do? Pretty well. However, what really changed was how I greeted each day. I found a song that spoke to me about beginning and ending each day knowing I had 10,000 reasons to celebrate that God had a plan for me, even if things weren't going the way I wanted them to. And as the year came to a close, I could see that the attitude from the previous year was gone. I'm not sure I accomplished a whole lot more, but I felt much better about myself! Mission Accomplished.

Recently I saw a suggestion to choose one Bible verse as the goal for the next year and to find ways each day to put it into action. I like that idea. I may find that one verse for the year is overkill and perhaps I will change it every few months. On the other hand, now that I've chosen my verse, I will probably find frequent opportunities to use it. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 For In Everything Give Thanks....

I'm generally a thankful person, but in the next several months there will be some big changes in my life. We will be moving to a new home, in a new community. Larry will be retiring. We will be starting over, but this time we will do it without the benefit of many of the devices we've had at hand for getting connected. Children helped introduce us to many people our age. Getting them settled and into things was a conduit for finding out where stuff was. Walking the dog was a great ice breaker in meeting neighbors. Employment introduced us to co-workers who became friends, and told us the best doctors, and hair dressers and lots of other important stuff.

I don't embrace change. I much prefer stability and routine. This year, I will have many chances to grumble, feel disconnected, miss my old neighborhood and friends. Larry and I will be learning to live side by side 24/7. ...(In all things give thanks.)... He's actually more nervous about this than I am. During Thanksgiving week we stayed in the same house, without a TV, and little furniture, while it rained outside for days, and we painted rooms inside for days, and we never got into a hissy fit about something so I figure we were doing pretty well! But that was one week. After years of having him on the road literally 1/3 to 1/2 of the time, having him home 24/7/52 will be a challenge for both of us.

We are moving to a smaller house. Sorting through belongings that were collected over years of marriage and raising a family, and deciding what goes to the new house and what goes to a yard sale will be a challenge. Then there is the packing. ...(In all things give thanks?....Ugh, packing.)... And the actual move. I HATE moving. Larry and I both remember the depth of feeling when one exhausted night after our last move I looked at him and said, with steely calm and resolve, NEVER AGAIN! Well, here we go again!... (Yes, Connie....In ALL things give thanks...well, I'm working on it).

This move is voluntary. We chose this community. We like this house. We have already met several neighbors and they are friendly and social, and our age. We have found a church that we like and have met people that go there. All in all this should be an easy move. But I still know there will be moments when I grumble. When I'm exasperated. When I'm lonely. When I....need to remember that in every situation, there is blessing. And that most of the best growth comes through challenge. And that whether I see it or feel it at the time, and even when I don't understand, I still need to thank God for the blessing, both seen and unseen. Because in every move we've made, even the bad ones, there were things I learned, people we met, stuff we did, that was good.

Last year apparently was a building block for this year, even though I didn't know it. The song I sang at the beginning of each day will carry me through this year as well. My favorite line:

 "It's time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes." (10,000 Reasons/Bless the Lord written by Jonas Myrin and Matt Redman, Arranged and Orchestrated by Cliff Duren)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

And for that I can truly give thanks! Happy 2014, everyone.