Growing up my family enjoyed the holidays, both summer and winter. Breakfast picnics, Thanksgiving gatherings, Christmas parties, the candlelight service on Christmas eve, as well as the sunrise service on Easter are all just a few of the things we grew up doing. My brother-in-law had a word for it. Tradition! "Tradition!" he would declare when we would be planning a picnic or talking about a family sing.
After Larry and I married, we started to create our own traditions. Our own family was raised with a set of family traditions. Because we lived in Florida, far from any other family, our Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions were centered around just the four of us. As the girls grew up and left for school, or marriage, they still came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and those traditions continued.
The year we moved to Pittsburgh was the year we upset the apple cart. It wasn't just us. Janice married and moved away. We moved here. Jen remained in Florida. But suddenly we had to re-invent our holiday traditions. The girls discovered their in-laws handled Thanksgiving differently than we did. From stuffing to pies, the food on the table, as well as the rituals involved had some subtle and some not so subtle differences.
Ben Franklin once said, "In this world, the only thing certain is death and taxes". About a year before we moved I felt pretty certain that our family would move into the next phase of our lives and live within a few hours of each other, in Florida. The next year was like watching dominoes fall in slow motion. When the last domino fell we were all separated by 900 miles.
I think one of the hardest parts for everyone was discovering how to celebrate holidays we had spent together for the previous 30 years. It may have been difficult, but ultimately, I think it is one of the biggest parts of creating and raising a family. As an empty nester, this year Larry and I are faced with re-creating a Christmas morning without kids. When we got married, it was exciting to have that morning together, before we met with the rest of his family. The traditions we developed were a combination of some of his favorite memories and some of mine. But 40 years later it seems daunting.
Even so, I look forward to finding out what we will do. Traditions add stability, expectation and excitement to family events. But they are not stable. They will change and that is a good thing. It means life is evolving and we are open to new things. Traditions aside, that seems like a much more stable way of life than remaining static.
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My husband and I began empty nesting in 2001, just after moving to FL. My eldest son was living in WI, and my youngest was in the Marine Corps stationed in Okinawa. That first Christmas was so hard for me.
ReplyDeleteMy husband decided to take some time off from work, and book a trip around FL for us. We visited Key West, the Everglades, and drove most of the coastline, stopping in small inns and B&Bs along the way. It was a perfect way to take my mind off of the holidays, and the fact that my kids weren't nearby.
Of course, we don't/can't travel every year, but it has gotten easier in time. Living here in AK, I have many friends who I consider family. If I'm feeling too blue about the distance of my family, I know I can call on one or more of them to lift my spirits.
As for family traditions... the memories will always be there, and my sons and I enjoy talking about holidays past - when we were all together as a family.
Wishing you joy!
Susan in North Pole
Thanks Susan for sharing your story. So nice to see you here! I remember the first year my parents were alone, after I married. My Dad always did a photo Christmas card that had litle pictures of each of us kids and our families. That year, he had a picture of he and mom sitting at the big family table eating dinner. He was just taking a picture of the 2 of them together, but everyone who saw that picture saw the 2 of them alone at the table! LOL
ReplyDeleteThey reinvented their holidays and as all good parents do, lead by example.
I know just what you are talking about when you mention reinventing the holidays after the kids have "left the nest" and are busy creating their own traditions. It's appearing as if one of Scott and Lisa's traditions will be to spend Christmas with Lisa's family, leaving us to figure out new traditions for us. This is the third year without Scott here, and we're STILL reinventing it! I'm not sure how it's ultimately going to evolve....
ReplyDeleteFor various reasons the last 3 years we've driven to PA - mainly because Frank has thrown a wedding anniversary party for themselves - inviting all the family - on the 28th. One never quite knows when it will be the last year they will do that - or CAN do that. So - we go - make the effort, as it truly is a celebration that they are doing that. Last year, while everyone was gathered, they threw me a 60th birthday party - as only my family can do it! LOL
It now appears we're doing it again -- and -- we will be traveling north on Christmas day - an adventure in itself (I hope there will be enough gas stations open *g*! The party this year is the 26th, and I want to be here for choir events on the 24th.
What will happen next year is anyone's guess. Nothing is set in stone for us -- and I suspect that's the good news!
It's strange. When we married, I longed to create new traditions - and have a nice Christmas morning with "just us". Funny how it's not quite as fulfilling to go back to "just us" once you've had kids.
Your last comment seems to be exactly how Larry feels. We've thrown out a few ideas, but nothing has gelled yet. I had to remind him how it was 'B.K." (before kids). He'd kind of forgotten. So we're still trying to see what will happen. I see it as a new adventure.
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