A few friends of mine have just retired. One is retiring-AGAIN! She tried this once before about ten years ago. She thought she was ready, but discovered there is a difference between being ready to leave your job, and being ready to not work. At the time she said she wanted to spend more time with her family. Within a few months she was trying out different jobs. This time she says she is ready, and I think she is!
Retirement is not easy! Most of us find that much of our feeling of self-worth comes from work. We may not be aware of the depth of that connection until the day we don't have a job to go to. The lucky ones find great satisfaction in work, but for those that don't just collecting a paycheck impacts their self-esteem.
The trick in retirement is re-discovering that sense of value. Vacation is wonderful, but it is meant to be short lived. What happens after that initial freedom of responsibility? How do you spend your days? What makes you want to get up in the morning? At the end of the day, what do you wish you had done?
When I retired, I felt awkward. The change was greater than not working. We had moved so I had no friends. My social life had to be rebuilt. I needed to redevelop a support system. When my husband went to work, I was very aware I wasn't contributing anymore. Fortunately, I really was ready to retire and getting settled in a new community helped me pass the time while I decided what was next.
I took a lot of time deciding what was going to make me feel good about me. 3 years later I have discovered the best part of retirement is the rediscovery of who I am. I enjoy volunteer work, but I don't want to be in charge of anything. 'Commitment' is a big word to me. Too often it becomes 'obligation' and that is a word I avoid now that I'm retired. I'll do anything as long as I can do it on my time and when I want to. My priorities now are my family. When Larry wants to go, I don't want to say "I can't". My kids live very far away and weekend visits are not possible. When I want to go see them, I want to be free to go. I love the life I have now. I made it through the awkward phase and today my days are filled with the things I enjoy from reading, to gardening, to writing.
To my friends, Bev, Barb and Shirley, This is the time to look back and feel good about what you've done, and look ahead at what you can do. Here's to your rediscovery! Enjoy! It's a great time.
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I have never "worked outside the home", so I don't have these retirement issues. Yet -- I've always had ongoing issues about my "worth" and "who am I" since I didn't bring in any income to our household. Still do.
ReplyDeleteI have wondered about Ray and this, and it could make for an interesting discussion. He want from retiring to his "new job" of watching out for his parents' care in their final years. Prior to that, we also cared for Scott when he was sick, and was a year long focus. Now it's "estate issues" that keeps him occupied. I wonder when all these things are wrapped up, how he'll feel? Or -- will he always create something like this for his life? I know he seems almost (maybe overly?) driven to do volunteer work, and that may be mixed up in his feelings about himself in retirement. Yet - he, too, seems to recoil from "being in charge", though seems to land in that position occasionally.
It will be interesting to see how Larry deals with it -- and how and you and he mesh together once he retires?!
Connie: I, too, need to sort out the "schedule" part of this. Jan and I are not accustomed to being home together and we run into each other a lot. It's pretty funny. I am not a Type A either although I may seem so. I can fritter away time like nobody's business. Hopefully, I can develop a rhythm to my days that don't annoy Jan. Otherwise, we will both have to be annoyed because I'm not going back to work this time!!
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